The following is a hypothetical conversation between Saul Hudson a.k.a. Slash and whatever visionary designed the cover for his first proper solo album, “Slash.” In this fantasy, we’ll call said designer, “Dufus Jones.”

The scene: A smokey bar. It’s name is probably a crass pun. Presumably, there’s a female silhouette accompanying its name on the neon sign that rests above the bar’s entrance. Saul Hudson, out-of-touch guitar icon, sips a diet soda. He sits across from Dufus Jones, a mid-thirties graphic designer who’s greatest success is a poster identifying various kinds of farts. They are discussing the cover for Saul’s upcoming album.

Dufus: (Nervously) Mr. Hudson. This album is going to be huge. Do you know how long your fanbase has been waiting to hear you collaborate with Fergie?

Saul Hudson: (Cool as ice) Call me Saul.

Dufus: Sure thing Saul.

Saul Hudson: (Irritated.) I mean Slash. Call me Slash.

Dufus: Erm… Sure thing Mr. Slash.

Saul Hudson: Just Slash. (For a moment Saul Hudson pulls down his glasses. He does this for effect, just like Axl did, so many years ago…)

Dufus: (Clears throat) Well, as I was saying, Slash, this album is epic. People are going to hear this and be all, “Guns N’ Who? Velvet Revolv-what?”

Saul Hudson: (Laughs gruffly. For a man who often is told what he wants to hear, he has not grown tired of it.)

Dufus: (Continues) Now, what you need to accompany an album like this is a killer cover. I’m talking more epic than the first Slash’s Snakepit album.

Saul Hudson: (Holds up his empty soda glass. A Publicist Dufus hadn’t even noticed is there in moments with a fresh one. Saul takes a pull before offering his considered reply.) More epic than the cover of “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere?” Have you seen that cover? It’s a snake, coiled around a bone in such a way that they together make a dollar sign. It’s wearing my hat, and smoking. That, my friend, is the snowy peak of epic.

Dufus: (He was expecting this.) Slash, you and I know that cover hasn’t been topped. With all due respect, I think we can.

Saul Hudson: I’m listening.

Dufus: Close your eyes. (He waits while Saul obliges.) When I say Rock n’ Roll, what’s the first image that pops into your head?

Saul Hudson: (Irritated) Why are you wasting my time?

Dufus: Indulge me. Answer the question.

Saul Hudson: A skull and crossbones, obviously.

Dufus: Exactly. Now picture this; it’s wearing your hat. (He sits back. He knows he’s landed his pitch.)

Saul Hudson: (Slash’s eyes go wide. He hasn’t felt this inspired since Axl first played him “Estranged.”) YES! A skull and crossbones wearing my hat! But the ends of the bones aren’t shaped like normal bones, they look like guitar bodies!

Dufus: (Surprised by such a brilliant idea) …but only sort of like guitar bodies! You wouldn’t notice at first, because they’re not particularly well drawn!

Saul Hudson: …and there’s way too much going on in the image to focus on anything initially! Like a garish monochromatic paisley background…

Dufus: (finishing Slash’s thought) …and an amateur looking font that’s hard to read and screams, “My concept of rock and roll comes from the biker bar scene in Terminator 2!”

Saul Hudson: (A tear forms in his eye. He can picture it.) It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.

Dufus: Not yet.

Saul Hudson: (Scanning the image in his mind.) What have I missed?

Dufus: (coyly) Oh… I don’t know. Maybe a banner below the skull that says, “R & F N’ R.”

Saul Hudson: As in “rock and fucking roll?” (Slash stands and claps.) You my friend, have a bright future.

Dufus: Oh, and there should be something in the skull’s right eye that you can’t even tell what it is.

End Scene