with your purchase of TV on the Radio’s Nine Types of Light CD $11.49 Deluxe CD $17.49 LP $15.97

You’ll be the proud owner of a MASSIVE ( and shiny) TVOTR poster.

Get yr copy of Those Darlins Screws Get Loose CD $13.97 LP $19.97

and get an equally massive and HANDSIGNED Those Darlins poster.

And when you grab the new Low C‘mon CD $11.49   LP $15.97

You’ll receive a bonus disc of 5 acoustic tracks.

And last but not least with Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi’s Rome CD $13.99

and you’ll leave Pure Pop with a brand spankin’ new poster (of a more manageable size).

Who says nothing’s free anymore?! We beg to differ.

Some may see it as a creatively bankrupt practice but puns in album titles delight me, particularly puns built out of artists names. If I ever come out with an album, I’ll probably call it, “Herb Today, Gone Tomorrow” or some such nonsense. If you’re looking for a cheap way to entertain yourself and some friends, come up with hypothetical punned-name album titles for everyone in the room. It’s not a contest. Everyone’s a winner.

Let’s take a look at some classic examples and consider their degree of success.

1. Ozzy Osbourne – “Ozzmosis”

This is a good place to start because what we have here is a pun that doesn’t really work. The problem? Ozzy’s making a pun out of a dry, scientific term. It doesn’t really provoke an emotional response or visual association. What if Connor Oberst released an album and called it “Connorvalescence?” Pretty lame, right?

2. Justin Timberlake – “Justified”

JT really rides the line here. I dare say if the man wasn’t so darn cool, this pun would come off as pretty lame.  The only bad idea this man’s charisma hasn’t been able to redeem is his performance in The Love Guru. (More like The Loathe Guru. Right?)

3. Greg Kihn – Kihnspiracy

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Greg Kihn, the most prolific punner-of-one’s-own-name in existence. Some highlights from his discography include, “Next of Kihn,” “Rockihnroll,” “Kihntinued,” “Kihntagious,” “Citizen Kihn,” “Unkihntrollable,” “Kihn of Hearts” and “True Kihnfessions.” Mr. Kihn, we at the Pure Pop Blog salute you.

4. Miles Davis – “Milestones”

Like JT’s Justified, this pun doesn’t call attention to itself with unconventional spelling. It’s innocuous, but it works. What a shame Miles Davis didn’t pun his name more often, “Miles” has such puntential.

5. George Strait – “Strait from the Heart”

God bless him. This is not my kind of music, and the cover is nothing short of abysmal, but “Strait from the Heart” is as good as punned-name album titles get. Greg Kihn would be proud. (Or jealous.) This really makes me wish my last name was Strait. Curse my heritage.

Phil Collins – Flaming Youth

Claim to Fame - Phil Collins is currently shorthand for soulless mainstream garbage but he used to be pretty cool. He’s a first rate drummer who’s elevated many classic albums with his contributions and he revolutionized the way we feel about things coming in the air at night. His first high-profile gig was drumming for Genesis, a band he would go on to lead into the upper stratosphere of musical success.

Before All That - Collins was the drummer for Flaming Youth, a pastoral rock quartet who to be fair weren’t all that bad. They never really went anywhere, prompting the young and eager musician to pursue other projects. How much does this video remind you of Spinal Tap playing “Gimme Some Money?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fj9JZhG8s4

Tori Amos – Y Kant Tori Read

Claim to Fame - While she might not sell the most albums, Tori Amos has one of the most intense fan-bases in music. Multiply a Juggalo by a Bieber-Head and you’re getting there.

Since the 1990′s Tori Amos has been worshiped like a goddess. What about her resonates so strongly with people? I can’t really say, but Little Earthquakes is an awesome album, and despite what the pictured-above tattoo and soon-to-follow video indicate, she’s pretty foxy.

Before All That - Odds are, if you know Tori Amos, you’re familiar with Y Kant Tori Read. YKTR was Tori’s band in the 1980′s. If you’re not familiar with them, their style was generic, shitty synth pop. Please note, Tori has redeemed herself a thousand times over for Y Kant Tori Read. That said, check out this hilariously awful video. What porno movie script did they steal that intro from?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzTNhdO0elM

Billy Joel – Atilla

Claim to Fame - Being Billy Joel. Much like the previously mentioned Phil Collins, Billy Joel is a towering icon of popular music who is both celebrated and reviled for his ability to write to the masses. Love him or hate him, the man can churn out pop hooks with an uncanny ease.

Before All That - In the late ’60s, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and people still listened to cd’s, Billy Joel was in a pseudo prog/heavy metal band called Atilla. (Get it? As in the Hun!) Atilla have a reputation for being terrible, but I have to say I just find them a little indulgent. It is nonetheless ridiculous enough to be featured on this list.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLuiVJBZyVM

Ricky Gervais – Seona Dancing

Claim to Fame - The only non-musician on this list, Ricky Gervais’s first success was managing popular brit-pop band Suede early in their career. A few years later he would produce one of the most successful television programs of all-time, The Office. Ever hear of it, or perhaps one of it’s five remakes? Here’s a clip from the Chilean version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqDhRZhZvZw

Before All That – In the 80′s, when a lot of these career false starts seem to take place, Gervais was in a synth-pop band called Seona Dancing. Whereas Y Kant Tori Read was sort of Madonna meets Kate Bush synth pop, Seona Dancing is more Depeche Mode meets David Bowie synth pop. It’s really not that bad, it’s just terribly funny in context. If you haven’t seen it, you are welcome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXhSqmfRTfY

Bjork – Bjork Gudmunsdottir

Claim to Fame - Bjork is one of Rock’s most beloved eccentrics. Always a few steps ahead of her fans, she’s as known (and adored) for her music as her unexpected and bizarre acts, like when she wore a swan dress to the 2001 Academy Awards.

She’s also an actress, a patron of the arts, and the world’s most famous Icelander with the possible exception of Ragnar Bragason. (Just kidding. Sorry Ragnar.)

Before All That - Bjork’s talent emerged at an early age. When the poor thing was eight-ish, she recorded an album of mostly covers sung in her native tongue. This album is of absolutely no interest to anyone. Do not seek it out. There is no pleasure to be derived from listening to it. Here is its version of “Fool on the Hill,” in case you don’t believe me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no_G6Qyo04k

The following is a hypothetical conversation between Saul Hudson a.k.a. Slash and whatever visionary designed the cover for his first proper solo album, “Slash.” In this fantasy, we’ll call said designer, “Dufus Jones.”

The scene: A smokey bar. It’s name is probably a crass pun. Presumably, there’s a female silhouette accompanying its name on the neon sign that rests above the bar’s entrance. Saul Hudson, out-of-touch guitar icon, sips a diet soda. He sits across from Dufus Jones, a mid-thirties graphic designer who’s greatest success is a poster identifying various kinds of farts. They are discussing the cover for Saul’s upcoming album.

Dufus: (Nervously) Mr. Hudson. This album is going to be huge. Do you know how long your fanbase has been waiting to hear you collaborate with Fergie?

Saul Hudson: (Cool as ice) Call me Saul.

Dufus: Sure thing Saul.

Saul Hudson: (Irritated.) I mean Slash. Call me Slash.

Dufus: Erm… Sure thing Mr. Slash.

Saul Hudson: Just Slash. (For a moment Saul Hudson pulls down his glasses. He does this for effect, just like Axl did, so many years ago…)

Dufus: (Clears throat) Well, as I was saying, Slash, this album is epic. People are going to hear this and be all, “Guns N’ Who? Velvet Revolv-what?”

Saul Hudson: (Laughs gruffly. For a man who often is told what he wants to hear, he has not grown tired of it.)

Dufus: (Continues) Now, what you need to accompany an album like this is a killer cover. I’m talking more epic than the first Slash’s Snakepit album.

Saul Hudson: (Holds up his empty soda glass. A Publicist Dufus hadn’t even noticed is there in moments with a fresh one. Saul takes a pull before offering his considered reply.) More epic than the cover of “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere?” Have you seen that cover? It’s a snake, coiled around a bone in such a way that they together make a dollar sign. It’s wearing my hat, and smoking. That, my friend, is the snowy peak of epic.

Dufus: (He was expecting this.) Slash, you and I know that cover hasn’t been topped. With all due respect, I think we can.

Saul Hudson: I’m listening.

Dufus: Close your eyes. (He waits while Saul obliges.) When I say Rock n’ Roll, what’s the first image that pops into your head?

Saul Hudson: (Irritated) Why are you wasting my time?

Dufus: Indulge me. Answer the question.

Saul Hudson: A skull and crossbones, obviously.

Dufus: Exactly. Now picture this; it’s wearing your hat. (He sits back. He knows he’s landed his pitch.)

Saul Hudson: (Slash’s eyes go wide. He hasn’t felt this inspired since Axl first played him “Estranged.”) YES! A skull and crossbones wearing my hat! But the ends of the bones aren’t shaped like normal bones, they look like guitar bodies!

Dufus: (Surprised by such a brilliant idea) …but only sort of like guitar bodies! You wouldn’t notice at first, because they’re not particularly well drawn!

Saul Hudson: …and there’s way too much going on in the image to focus on anything initially! Like a garish monochromatic paisley background…

Dufus: (finishing Slash’s thought) …and an amateur looking font that’s hard to read and screams, “My concept of rock and roll comes from the biker bar scene in Terminator 2!”

Saul Hudson: (A tear forms in his eye. He can picture it.) It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.

Dufus: Not yet.

Saul Hudson: (Scanning the image in his mind.) What have I missed?

Dufus: (coyly) Oh… I don’t know. Maybe a banner below the skull that says, “R & F N’ R.”

Saul Hudson: As in “rock and fucking roll?” (Slash stands and claps.) You my friend, have a bright future.

Dufus: Oh, and there should be something in the skull’s right eye that you can’t even tell what it is.

End Scene

As most of you well know, the internet is host to a seemingly infinite number of semi-literate and wholly-baffling opinions. (See this website for several examples.) Perhaps the greatest concentration of these can be found at the retail monolith amazon.com, where customer reviews defy the laws of grammar and logic more often than not. Let’s examine a few of the different ways we can enjoy the dubious meditations of amazon critics. All reviews are quoted exactly, typos and all, except when personal information has been censored.

1. One Star Reviews of Albums Commonly Accepted as “Great”

…on “Rubber Soul” by The Beatles

“Okay, let’s get it straight! I listen to this CD from the Florissant Valley County Library only once because ALL of the songs are totally BORING! I don’t think I’ll buy this CD…maybe………………………MY E-MAIL ADRESS IS thebeatlesfan*****@yahoo.com”

-This woman thinks Rubber Soul is a one-star album, yet her email address begins with “the beatles fan.” Also, she seems undecided on buying it, despite assigning it such a low score.

“This is nowhere near the finest album ever recorded. I’d say somewhere between #100 & #200. I have heard local bands do better than songs like this.”

-You know, even being on the low end of the top 200 hundred albums of all time would be quite an honor.

“Ok…but i prefer Jim Nabors…his voice and styling is superior to the Beatles…and a much better actor..”

-Unfortunately, few artists stand up to the “Jim Nabors Litmus Test.” People looking for a quick grammar lesson take note, this is exactly how to use ellipses.

…on “Kind of Blue” by Miles Davis

“This is one of the worst albums I’ve ever bought. It’s so boring and lifeless. Good to fall asleep to.”

-Who doesn’t fall asleep to albums they otherwise despise?

“C’mon, this stuff is a drag! If you have to ‘acquire’ a taste for this stuff, then it hasn’t hit you right off, which is what great music does. No waiting for the effect….great music says HELLO!!!…..not….Shhhhh…..it’s time for sleep! One reviewer compared this to Dark Side of the Moon, but at least on DSOTM, Pink Floyd had the sense to add the alarm clocks to stir you. Closing time music for the droll and lifeless. One star out of pity!!!”

-If Kind of Blue had alarm clock noises, it would certainly be a better album. Well said.

2. Five Star Reviews of Albums Commonly Accepted as “Terrible”

…on “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” by Limp Bizkit

“If you like limp bizkit you will love this cd even if you don’t you will like some of the songs. if you like there mello stuff then you will love hold on or boiler. and if you are a true hardcore limp fan like me then you will love their whole cd.”

-This is actually a fair point. I’m simply amused that the possessive form of they is attempted twice and successfully executed once.

“I’m a long time fan of limp bizkit I have been awating this cd For ever. I’m so happy it is fimaly out. I found that in each of limp bizkits Cd they have a different stly. this one is slofter but more swairing witch is cool. The last one was more rap and the first ws more hard rock. I love the track livin it up.”

-Yep. Pretty much says it all.

…on “All or Nothing” by Milli Vanilli

“This group was still awesome to me after I found out that they were not singing. They still brought the style and dance to the songs which is what made them sell. I still love this CD and I will always listen to it.”

-But will you always dance to it?

“Indeed, the entire Milli Vanilli front-show was a facade. However, after 10 years, the music is still cutting edge. I believe it still will be in another decade.

From the stompin’ “Girl You Know it’s True” to the tender ‘I Gonna Miss You’, the album is exceptional.

I suggest you listen for yourself and relive the late 80′s with a new perspective on dance music.”

-This guy describes the album as both “stompin” and “tender.” Coincidentally, you can make things tender by stomping on them.

3. Reviews that support your out-of-step opinion

…on “Drama” by Yes (which I love)

“This album has more in common with the nine years prior to it than anything the band has done since. It has all of the harmonic and rhythmic complexity, the amazing energy and musicianship of any of the their best work. If you love 70′s prog, buy this album.”

-Amen, brother.

” ‘Drama’ is often overlooked and denegraded because of the absence of Anderson & Wakeman. Oh boo hoo ! ‘Drama’ ROCKS and stands on its own as a gem among the Yes discography. There is not a single bad moment on “Drama” with all 6 songs delivering the goods. The bonus tracks are OK, but nothing spectacular. The Roger Dean cover art has to be one of the all time best. You can find this disc at a nice price and you cannot go wrong with this selection unless you were expecting a ‘dramatic’ reading of Hamlet”

-Word

…on “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” by Wilco (which I don’t care for)

“Yuck. There’s no other way to describe this pile of garbage. If this is what I have to look forward to from Wilco from now on they might as well throw in the towel now while they still have some dignity left and leave us with the other outstanding albums they’ve done like Being There.”

-Giggle

“I bought this CD after reading all the great reviews and hearing all the hype about it. Ever since, I’ve been listening to it over and over, trying to figure out what people find so great about it. I’d advise you to download some of the songs first and decide for yourself. Like another reviewer said, don’t buy into the hype.”

-A more tempered opinion.

1. Gregory Isaacs “Night Nurse”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyEP_st9csI

A classy start.

2. Phish “Down With Disease”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNt1IdNEJ-c

The local heroes take a stand against disease.

3. Alien Sex Fiend “Here Cum Germs”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohYp1C14Dp8

Is being a sex fiend covered under the new plan?

4. Deltron 3030 “Virus”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijPE7fe4XTg

Animated persons are low-risk for skin disease.

5. La Lupe “Fever”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L90npLTtipU

One of hundreds of versions of this song.

6. Eels “Cancer for the Cure”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5KuI7ZJyhQ

The only version of this song.

7. Roxy Music “Love is the Drug”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIR1jLbWiz0

Was Bryan Ferry’s eye-patch covered by his insurer?

8. Spiritualized “Medication”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhKGiFZWCYc

Drugs may be bad, but you can thank them for this song.

9. Smiths “Still Ill”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxZo5UODCCg

Morrissey gave Johnny Marr a rash.

10. Thompson Twins “Doctor Doctor”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpquwTW5CKs

A doctor for each twin.

You may be wondering to yourself… Dam-funk? Nite Jewel? Who the hell are these two? Well, fair enough, they’re not exactly household names, both play in the shadowy areas on the outer edges of modern hiphop, funk, pop, and Indie-electronica, and have only lately (thanks to fast rising star of the whole Chill Wave / Glo-Fi genre) had the opportunity to bring their distinctly L.A. Sound to a larger audience. Now XLR8R magazine got a chance to sit down with both artists together for a day while they hung out and recorded together.

Definitely for fans of DIY beats & Cheese synths.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhlQYYDXwGg

5. Kanye West Mauled by Bear

During a visit to the San Diego Zoo, the contentious Kanye West will misinterpret a grizzly bear’s scratching of an itch as a personal affront. In retaliation, West will enter the cage and confront said bear, only to be mauled and disfigured. Surviving the incident, West will post a poorly-written and insincerely-self-deprecating post on his blog acknowledging that his hubris has once again left him with egg on his face.

4. Tom Waits Experiences Career Renaissance Due to Tonsillectomy

Gravel-voiced icon Tom Waits will undergo a necessary tonsillectomy this spring. Consequently, Waits’ gruff, growling vocal delivery will be forever changed. His growling tenor will transform into a smooth alto croon. Invigorated and inspired by his new Rick-Astley-esque voice, Waits will release a series of lively big-band arrangements of his most beloved songs. His initially skeptical fan base will embrace Waits 2.0 as will mainstream audiences as never before.

3. Phish Break Up and Get Back Together

During their spring tour, Trey Anastasio will tearfully announce that Phish have once again reached an impasse and decided to go their separate ways. During the summer, each former member of the band will embark on various unsuccessful projects, including six instrumental solo albums by Trey, a collaborative album between Mike Gordon and Living Colour’s drummer, an anthology of limericks by Page Mcconell and a new album from Jon Fishman‘s Pork Tornado. This fall, on Phish’s website, the band will issue a statement saying they’ve realized they are at their happiest and most creative when working together. The subsequent early winter tour will be their most well-attended since the previous reunion tour.

2. Scarlett Johansson Records 2pac Tribute Album

Undaunted by the universal scorn that greeted her album of Tom Waits covers, Scarlett Johansson will continue to pursue her musical ambitions. Setting her sights on martyred hip-hop legend 2pac, Johansson and producer Daniel Lanois will release an album of down-tempo  interpretations of 2pac’s songs. The album sells poorly, becoming a a synonym for celebrity excess and pop-culture vapidity. It’s greatest condemnation will come from 2pac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, who says of the album, “It’s the worst thing to happen to my son since he got shot.”

1. Bono Reveals Indifference To Injustice and Suffering

In a candid interview with Playboy, U2′s Bono will confess his various altruistic endeavors are part of a series of publicity stunts that, as the singer will put it, “…have paid off handsomely.” The Irishman will go onto admit that he “couldn’t really care less about other people’s problems. Have you seen my massive house? It’s bigger than most high schools. I’m not going to mope around over some starving people I’ll never meet when I’m living like an Egyptian emperor, am I?” When pressed for anything that does bother him, Bono will admit that, “Sometimes my personal chef will behave a little informally around me. That irks me to no end.”

When two or more creative personalities dissolve a partnership, the inevitable disparity of accomplishment between the former collaborators can be anything from slight to a gaping chasm. Consider Cheech & Chong. When the comedy duo parted ways, Cheech Marin’s success eclipsed Tommy Chong’s considerably.

Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari, a Famous Chonger

In the world of music, this phenomenon is all too common. Here are some unfortunate people who “Chonged” it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq_TowFGLU8

Grant Hart

Hart was a vocalist and drummer for Husker Du. Hart composed about a third of the band’s songs, including many of their best. (Just listen to “Terms of Psychic Warfare.”) When the they split, the band’s other principle songwriter, Bob Mould, went on to achieve his greatest success with a new project, Sugar. These days, Mould’s a respected solo artist who released his ninth solo album to acclaim last year. Hart, on the other hand, has not fared as well. He was misdiagnosed as HIV positive following Husker Du’s break-up. He lived under that misapprehension for six months. His solo career, while producing some memorable and worthwhile albums, hasn’t come close to Mould’s prosperity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXqVpAHY33U

Pete Wylie

Undoubtedly, many of those fortunate enough to have seen The Clash in their heyday were inspired to form bands of their own. The Crucial Three was one such band. They wouldn’t last long enough to record anything, but two of their members would go on to achieve fame and glory. Ian McCulloch formed Echo & The Bunnymen. Julian Cope would find his niche with Teardrop Explodes and as a solo artist. The other guy? Well, Pete Wylie was in a number of bands and, to be fair, he enjoyed a small degree of success. On the other hand, ever hear of Wah!? No? Didn’t think so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_D6nxAa7rA

Einar Örn Benediktsson

The Sugar Cubes were a sort of Icelandic B-52s, and their Fred Schneider was Einar Örn Benediktsson, an eccentric and charismatic co-frontman. The other singing Sugar Cube, Bjork, would go on to achieve massive international success and icon status.  Benediktsson kept a much lower profile following his band’s break-up, writing a bit here and there and releasing the occasional, obscure album.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBapowibBO8

Johnny Marr

Perhaps the most famous musician to Chong on this list, Johnny Marr was one-half of The Smiths songwriting team, a group that influenced and inspired generations. To this day they are one of the 80′s most beloved bands. Unfortunately,they fell apart after four albums. Morrissey went solo and had no trouble maintaining his legions of fans. As integral as Marr was, writing all the band’s music, he has not been able to parlay his credentials to nearly the same degree. As Morrissey continues to release high-profile albums and embark on prestigious tours, Marr’s greatest successes have been sporadic appearances on other artists albums and the occasional stint as a sideman in groups like Modest Mouse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IAdfGIG-cw

Andrew Ridgely

They may be nothing more than a punchline today, but Wham! were quite popular when they first hit the scene. The duo put out three multi-platinum albums in four years, no small feat. Frustrated with the teen-baiting corner they’d painted themselves into, George Michael dissolved the group and went solo, releasing one of the best-selling albums of all-time and cementing his status as pop-star-for-life. Ridgely tried his hand at racing before unsuccessfully attempting to relaunch his music career. These days, he golfs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyMkLlOAOx0

Rodan

KMD were no great triumph. The endearing hip-hop trio were beset by some terrible luck. For one thing, one of their members, Subroc, was killed during the production of their second album. Subsequently, their label deemed that album too offensive for release and shelved it. It would not see the light of day for another eight years, in an attempt to capitalize on the momentum of former-KMD member (and Subroc’s brother) Zev Love X’s success under his new alias, MF Doom. KMD’s other founding member, Rodan, hasn’t done anything more notable than a couple of under-the-radar releases and a handful of appearances on MF Doom albums.

The show is basically a variety show spoof featuring a one-off Coogan creation, Tony Ferrino, a former Eurovision winner from Portugal. Like all Coogan’s best work, the comedy comes from how well-realized and nuanced the character is. Ferrino is conceited and insecure. The program is a self-aggrandizing tour of the man and his music. Each song is a wonderful approximation of vacuous pop-music.

Why would this be of any interest to you, dear reader? Well, I’m not sure that it would be, but in doing a little research, I happened upon a charity performance that pairs Ferrino with Bjork. We all love Bjork, right? Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icaVz6gQAC4