Way back in 2000, the world was introduced to Shad “Lil’ Bow Wow” Moss, a 13-year-old MC known for such songs as “Bounce With Me” and “Ghetto Girls”. I wish I could offer some insight into what the tot’s appeal was or what his success said about popular culture at the time, but to be honest, I can’t do anything but furrow my brow at the idea of a 13-year-old singing about ghetto girls. What does he have to say about them, and to what audience? To me it sort of evokes those pictures you see in National Geographic of prepubescents  in war-torn countries, scowling at the camera and holding AK-47’s. Someone that age should be building forts, drinking Capri Sun and playing video games. Hip-hop mega-stardom and warfare can wait.

Apparently there was enough appeal for LBW’s career to continue. Sure, he released more albums, but you know how kids are. They get distracted, lose focus, and the next thing you know they’re making feature films too. 2002 saw the release of Like Mike, in which Lil’ Bow Wow played a basketball-loving orphan who obtains a pair of magic sneakers that give him the skills to be an NBA superstar. It was a sort of Magic Ballerina for the youth of ‘02. The film was successful enough to spawn a Lil’ Bow Wow-less sequel.

The same year culture was blessed with Like Mike, Lil’ Bow Wow grew up a little bit and dropped the “lil” from his moniker. He continued to rap and act. Bow Wow’s penultimate performance came in 2006. In The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, the third film in the lucrative car-porn franchise, Bow Wow played “Twinkie,” a lovable hustler who introduces the main character to Tokyo’s vast underground street-racing scene.

Tokyo Drift is as silly a movie as you could hope to see. In its strange reality, a glorious driving technique known as “drifting” is the beloved pass time of seemingly the majority of Japanese youth. Characters reminisce about the halcyon days of drifting as if it were as common as pee-wee baseball. They’re also all criminals. Seriously. Almost every character in the film is connected to a single criminal empire headed by Sonny “where’s my paycheck?” Chiba.

By this film’s rock-bottom low standard, it has to be said Bow Wow isn’t terrible as Twinkie. He is a by-the-numbers street-smart-wise-cracking side kick.  (Conversely, Lucas Black’s lead performance as Sean Boswell is an offensive and inept attempt to ennoble impulsiveness and stupidity. ) Make no mistake, Bow Wow is never funny, charismatic or a believable human being. In the company of the rest of the cast, however, he’s Marlon Brando.

The characters of Tokyo Drift live by a code of ethics that allows them to jeopardize the live of strangers, racketeer and cause millions of dollars worth of property damage. At the same time, they take their loyalty to each other very seriously. This is what shapes the series of events resembling a plot that constitutes the film. Twinkie is loyal to Sean, who is loyal to Sung Kang who’s disloyal to DK. Riveting stuff. Disputes are settled by races, car chases and the occasional shoot-out. Twinkie isn’t proficient in any of these and reverts to a Lois Lane-style damsel in distress during such scenes.

Bow Wow in the Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift doesn’t add or detract to the film overall. It’s a serviceable performance in a serviceable film. I’d say it’s worth watching in an airplane, lying in a hospital bed or in the company of anti-intellectual relatives.