Tanner, who since he was twelve spends most of his time planning an ever-more-elaborate, ever-less-likely-to-happen wedding for himself, came upon this dull website for what appears to be a collective of wedding dj’s. Amusingly, there’s a page of indie-rock themed wedding mixes, all of which look like rough drafts for the Garden State soundtrack. Being the bitter, dry husks of human beings that we are, the first thing we thought was, “What would the opposite of these mixes look like?”
In that spirit, we proudly offer you seven tracks to spoil the mood at a wedding.
1. The Big Pink – Dominos
“As soon as I love her it’s been too long.
And I really love breaking your heart”
2. The Mountain Goats – No Children
“And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can’t find one good thing to say
And I’d hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You’d stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die”
3. XTC – Your Dictionary
“Now your laughter has a hollow ring
But the hollow ring has no finger in
So lets close the book and let the day begin
And our marriage be undone”
4. Rolling Stones – Out of Time
“You’re out of touch, my baby
My poor discarded baby
I said, baby, baby, baby, you’re out of time”
5. Husker Du – Never Talking to You Again
“I’d put you down where you belong
But I’m never talking to you again
I’d show you everywhere you’re wrong
But I’m never talking to you again”
6. The Misfits – Last Caress
“Well, I got something to say
I killed your baby today
And it doesn’t matter much to me
As long as its dead”
7. Jarvis Cocker – Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time
” ’cause the years fly by in an instant
and you wonder what he’s waiting for
and then some skinny bitch walks by in some hotpants
and he’s running out the door”
In addition to the release of the remastered Beatles catalog, The Fab Four also have their very own video game coming out this week. This is entirely precedented, as Metallica and Aerosmith both have similar titles out. Furthermore, 50 Cent released an action-shooter earlier this year called Blood in the Sand. Perhaps this is a sign of things to come. Are we going to see more video game vehicles for popular bands and musicians? We’ve consulted our oracle, and the answer is yes. Here are some titles you can look forward to:
Hello. It's me.
Todd Rundgren’s Utopia – In Todd Rundgren’s Utopia, the player takes control of singer/songwriter/producer legend Todd Rundgren. Navigating a post-apocalyptic urban wasteland, Rundgren does for the city what he did for XTC, Meat Loaf and The Psychedelic Furs, he makes it better. Conjuring his magic powers, Rundgren converts the chaotic sprawl into a Utopia, block by block.
Noel quit before the fight was over.
Street Fighter: Oasis - In this old-fashioned brawler, players pick from an Oasis-themed roster of fighters and duke it out to see who’s the true Champagne Supernova of the fighting ring. All of the significant rivals of Oasis members are featured here; George Harrison, Damon Albarn, the Stewardess that kicked Liam off an airplane, the dude that punched Noel onstage as well the Gallant Gallaghers themselves. Featuring lovingly rendered 8-bit versions of all your favorite Oasis songs.
Voulez-vous etc...
Leisure Suit Serge Gainsbourg – A traditional point-and-click adventure starring the person who made being a sleazy-old-man cool (caveat, Ryan O’Neal made it uncool again). Guide Serge through swingers parties, orgies, hot-tub soirees and bikini volleyball tournaments in order to cultivate inspiration for his next classic album.
G-G-SPACE-A-L-L-I-N
Learn To Type with GG Allin – Contrary to the adult nature of the previously listed title, this one’s for the kiddies. Hosted by a digital GG Allin, beginner typers are tutored and entertained in tandem. GG will offer words of encouragement as you type along to the lyrics of a generous selection of his songs.
Buy the GTC: Special Edition and recieve a Limited Edition GTC Lapel Pin
Grand Theft Consumer – Gamers can put their morality aside and indulge their darker impulses as a record company executive. The aim of the game? Making money. Over the course of this epic adventure, players will try to break bands that sound exactly like prior label successes, negotiate exclusivity deals with box stores, issue over-priced “special editions” to wring extra cash out of super-fans and cynically exploit the deaths of any artists on their roster, all for maximum profit.
Last night we held one of our semi-regular poker nights. It was attended by elder statesmen of the Pure Popperverse, the newest blood being myself and Mr. Michael Breiner (pictured on the far right) who have been in the Pure Pop employ for six years or so. We were joined by former employee Chris Miller (pictured on the far left), a fine man and card player.
Breiner, for the second time in a row, won the proceedings with some deft playing. It was a pretty close game for the most part, with just about everyone enjoying chip-leader status at some point. The great exception to that was yours truly (not pictured). I won all of two hands, played with cowardice and swore off playing poker ever again about a dozen times over the course of the night.
As you might imagine, we listened to quite a bit of great music over the course of the evening. The night was hosted by Tanner (pictured middle left), who’s digital music collection rivals any I’ve ever seen. Our other Michael (pictured middle right) treated us to a Neko Case-themed playlist that I initially resisted only to find myself enjoying thoroughly.
In situations like these, one hopes and can expect to hear something new. Some of the better stuff we heard that I was unfamiliar with included bands called The Assembly, The Records (who Breiner emphatically recommends) and the Flamin’ Groovies, a band I’ve grown to absolutely adore over the course of twenty-four hours.
We also delighted in many Pure Pop favorites, including Kate Bush, Nick Lowe, XTC, Wire, Morrissey and the like. A fine night, all things considered.
